THE BENEFIT OF RELATIONSHIPS - SHEMINI

Parshas Shemini gives the account of the tragic deaths of Aaron’s two eldest sons, Nadav and Avihu. At the climax of the inauguration of the Mishkan (Tabernacle), the two men entered the Holy of Holies and brought their own incense without having been commanded to do so. After they entered, a fire came forth and consumed them. Chazal offer several explanations as to the exact nature of their mistake: The Chasam Sofer brings a Medrash that offers three reasons as to their sin: They made a decision without consulting their teacher, Moshe Rabbeinu; they entered the Mishkan intoxicated with wine; they did not get married or have children. These three reasons seem to be totally unrelated to each other however the Chasam Sofer explains that they all emanate from the same source.

He writes that the defining sin of the three was their choice to not get married and the consequence that they had no children. He explains that there are many Mitzvos that involve the necessity to ascribe honor to certain people, and, lehavdil, to HaShem. These include the Mitzvos to honor and fear one’s parents and teachers, and the various laws with regard to one’s conduct in the Mishkan. Having one’s own children plays a key role in helping a person to develop a far greater recognition of the importance of being respected. He experiences first-hand, the unpleasantness of not being properly respected by his children. This helps him internalize how important it is for him to honor his parents, teachers, and, most importantly, HaShem.

Nadav and Avihu chose not to get married and consequently remained childless. This hindered them from developing the proper appreciation of the need to honor others. As a result, they stumbled in other areas relating to honor: They failed to consult with their teacher Moshe, indicating a lacking in giving sufficient honor to their teacher. Likewise, their entering the Mishkan whilst intoxicated with wine indicated a failing in their honor for the Divine Presence that dwelled there. Thus, according to the Chasam Sofer, the defining sin of Nadav and Avihu was their reluctance to have children – this was responsible for their failing in the area of giving kavod (honor).

It is possible to add that some of the other sins enumerated in the Rabbinical sources also originate from a lacking in the trait of kavod. In Parshas Mishpatim, we are told Moshe, Nadav and Avihu, along with the seveny Elders, witnessed a sublime prophecy. The Torah writes that Nadav and Avihu, and the Elders “gazed at G-d, yet they ate and drank”. The Medrash Tanchuma, quoted by Rashi, says that Nadav and Avihu and the elders sinned grievously by eating and drinking whilst gazing at the sacred vision. They deserved to die at that moment, but G-d did not punish them right then, in order not to mar the joy of the giving of the Torah. Rather, their punishment was deferred till a later date. Again, it is clear that the key fault here was the lack of sufficient fear and honor for the Divine Presence.
Moreover, the most explicit reason for their sin is the Torah’s words that they offered up the incense even though they were never commanded to. The commentaries explain that in their great love for HaShem, they were inspired to enter the Mishkan themselves. Despite their lofty intentions, performing a service without being instructed to do so, also seems to constitute a lack of sufficient fear and honor for HaShem.

We have seen from the explanation of the Chasam Sofer that the failure of Nadav and Avihu to have children resulted in the various sins that Chazal find them culpable of, and that the root of these sins was a failing to give proper honor. This explanation sheds light on an important principle in Torah thought with regard to inter-personal relationships. In the secular world, it is common to view relationships from the perspective of, “what can I get out of this relationship”, whether it applies to marriage, child rearing, or friendships. In this way, the goal of the relationship is essentially selfish, and it perhaps explains why the institution of marriage and the parent-child relationships have been so damaged in recent generations. If a person’s goals in a relationship are primarily selfish, then his desires and hopes will inevitably clash with those of his partner or child, who has similarly selfish desires. Moreover, if a person perceives that getting married or having children will hinder his life enjoyment then he will refrain from them in his vain quest for pleasure and comfort.

The Chasam Sofer teaches us that one of the main purposes of having children is to enable a person to grow in ways that he would otherwise be unable to. The same applies to marriage and all other relationships. The Torah outlook is that a person should approach his relationships from a selfless point of view – focusing on how he can help the other members of the relationship, and how he can grow from the relationship into a better person. As in all aspects of life, our relationships are there to help us grow closer to HaShem, therefore it is essential that we strive to develop such relationships even if they may reduce our comfort level, because we understand that they will enable us to become complete people in a way that Nadav and Avihu never merited.

ESCAPE OR REBUILD? - NOACH

“And Noach, the man of the earth, debased himself and planted a vineyard. And he drank of the wine and became drunk, and he uncovered himself within his tent.” When the flood had ended and Noach returned to the earth, he faced the daunting task of starting the world anew. He began by planting a vineyard which had terrible consequences. Chazal strongly criticize Noach’s decision to first plant a vineyard. Wine can cause man great simcha and can help him to feel closer to Hashem, however Noach should have begun planting something that was more immediately necessary for the rebuilding of the world.

The difficulty about this incident is that Noach was a very great tzaddik, and it is impossible to approach his mistake here in a superficial way. The commentaries strive to explain Noach’s reasoning in planting the vineyard. The Yalkut Shimoni explains that when Noach drank from the wine he felt great simcha. Based on this, Rav Meir Rubman zt”l in his sefer, Zichron Meir, explains that when Noach returned to dry land he was met by incredible destruction, the whole world that he had lived in was completely destroyed and every living creature dead. He naturally felt devastated and disheartened by this shocking scene. He knew that such feelings were not conducive to bringing spirituality to this new world, because the shechina can only be present amidst the simcha of doing Hashem’s will. Knowing that wine has the ability to gladden a person he decided to plant a vineyard, and use the wine that he would drink as a means to bring the shechina down to earth.

This explanation, however, poses a new difficulty - if his intentions were noble then how could such a kilkul arise out of his actions? Rav Simcha Wasserman zt”l explains that there were other, less noble intentions, effecting Noach’s decision of how to begin the new world. Facing such incredible pain, Noach felt the need to distract himself from the terrible situation he now faced, and as a consequence he chose to plant a vineyard, whose wine offered a way to escape the terrible pain he felt. This choice was considered a failing for someone of Noach’s great stature and accordingly, it had damaging results. Chazal criticize him and say that, when facing a destroyed world he should have first focused on rebuilding, rather than escaping. Rav Wasserman points out that Chazal do not say that Noach did not commit a terrible sin here, rather he did something that was ‘chol’, (from the lashon of ‘vayachel’ used to describe Noach’s mistake) lacking in holiness and greatness.

About sixty years ago, many people faced an incredibly great nisayon. The Holocaust destroyed millions of lives, and whole communities were uprooted; many people lost all their families. Facing this catastrophe, there was surely a very strong inclination to ‘escape’ on some level. However, certain individuals rimmediately undertook to rebuild the Jewish people. Great people such as the Ponevezher Rav zt”l and the Klausenberger Rebbe zt”l lost their families in the Holocaust and yet somehow embarked upon the immense challenge of rebuilding. Rav Yissachar Frand Shlita offers another, moving example of someone who avoided the temptation to escape in the post-Holocaust world. Rav Joseph Rosenberg zt”l. He found himself in USA after the war, and noticed that there was one particular mitzva which had been completely neglected - Shatnez. He single-handedly created Shatnez checking laboratories and for several decades checked hundreds of thousands of garments for Shatnez. He faced more than one churban. One, the Holocuast, was physical in nature, and one was a spiritual churban - the loss of one mitzva.
Baruch Hashem, in this generation we do not have to contend with destruction comparable to that of the Flood or the Holocaust. However, we also face churban on a number of levels. In a national sense, we know that Klal Yisroel is met with the greatest spiritual churban in its history, with countless Jews intermarrying every day. It has been estimated that more people have been lost to Judaism in the past 60 years than were lost in the Holocaust! This churban is less apparent and shocking than the Holocaust but the damage it is causing is immense. Every observant Jew is forced to face this churban whenever he leaves his community and is surrounded by secular people. There are many different avenues that a person can take to help secular Jews but most important is the decision not to escape the problem and say ‘shalom aliyich nafshi’.

On a more personal level, we all know people who are faced with their own individual churbans. There are people who cannot provide a parnasa for their families, people who suffer fromterrible health problems, young men and women who cannot find shidduchim, divorced or widowed people who feel alone and helpless, the list is endless. When we encounter any of these people we also have the choice of escape or build. Rav Frand argues that it is not enough to merely feel bad for them, and to say, ‘nebuch’. We must strive to help in any way that we can. For example, if someone loses his job, then we can try to use our contacts to see if we can help him find new employment. Or If someone cannot find a shidduch then we can spend a small amount of time thinking if we know any suitable prospective partner.

Of course, through the course of our lives most of us are faced with tragedies or catastrophes of some sort. These traumatic events are very challenging and there is the natural temptation to want to escape the pain of the situation. However, a sign of greatness is to make a concerted effort to rebuild and move ahead with our lives. In one emotive shiur before Yom Kippur, Rav Frand suggests that people ask themselves four fundamental questions about their spiritual level. One of them is the question that the ‘rav hachovel’ (the head sailor) asked Yonah - there was a terrible storm threatening to destroy the whole ship and amidst this turmoil the sailors found Yonah asleep. The rav hachovel asked Yonah, “Why are you sleeping, rise up and call to your G-d..” The rav hachovel was telling Yonah, how can you sleep through such a situation as this, do something! So too, Rav Frand exhorts us to ask ourselves, why are we sleeping through the tumultuous events that surround us. May we all be zocheh to strive to rebuild and not escape when we face challenge and pain.