SHABBOS AND HONORING ONE’S PARENTS - YISRO

The highlight of Parshas Yisro is the Ten Commandments. The fourth Mitzvo is to remember the Shabbos , and the fifth is honoring one’s parents . This juxtaposition may not seem to be of great significance, however, this is not the only time in the Torah that these two seemingly unrelated Mitzvos are juxtaposed. In Parshas Kedoshim, the two Mitzvos are actually mentioned in the same verse: “Every man: Your mother and father shall you revere; and My Sabbaths shall you observe – I am HaShem, your G-d.” Chazal do indeed extrapolate lessons from this verse – they explain that even though one must honor and revere his parents, this obligation does not extend itself to the point where he should listen to his parents’ command to break Shabbos or any other Mitzvo in the Torah. The commentaries ask why the Torah chooses Shabbos in particular to teach that honoring one’s parents does not override other Mitzvos. Indeed, Shabbos is considered one of the most severe Mitzvos to transgress in terms of its punishment.
Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky zt”l offers a drush explanation as to the juxtaposition of these two Mitzvos. This explanation can perhaps also be used to answer why the verse chose Shabbos in particular when informing us that honoring parents does not override Mitzvos. In his old age, Rav Kamenetsky was once on an airplane with some of his grandchildren. He was sitting next to another elderly man who was a secular Israeli professor. The professor noticed how much Rav Kamenetsky’s grandchildren were honoring and serving him. He told Rav Kamenetsky that his own grandchildren did not give him any honor or respect; he asked the Rabbi what was the difference between the two of them? The Rav answered, that the secular belief is that man originates from apes, therefore each generation is one step further from being an ape. It is logical that each generation is more advanced than its predecessors and consequently there is no reason why young people should honor old people, in fact it should be the reverse – the old should look up to the more ‘advanced’ young. That is why the professor’s grandchildren accorded him no honor.
In contrast the Torah point of view is that the further one goes back in history, the closer one gets to the Act of Creation and Adam HaRishon. Adam HaRishon was the most holy man, being that he was created by HaShem himself, so-to-speak. Each generation after him is one step further away from that great Act of Creation. Accordingly, each generation views the previous ones as being superior. That, Rav Kamenetsky explained, was why his grandchildren gave him so much respect.
With this explanation, Rav Kamenetsky explained the juxtaposition of the Mitzvos of honoring one’s parents and keeping Shabbos. Shabbos represents belief in the Act of Creation in that it commemorates how HaShem created the world in six days and then rested. Observing Shabbos demonstrates a recognition that HaShem created the world. When a person has that recognition, he will automatically come to the accompanying realization that each generation is closer to that Act of Creation and therefore worthy of respect. That is the connection between the two Mitzvos – they both emanate from a belief in HaShem’s creation of the world.
Rav Kamenetsky’s explanation can also be used to explain why Chazal chose Shabbos in particular when teaching that honoring parents does not override the Mitzvos of the Torah. As the Ohr HaChaim explains, the end of the verse, “I am HaShem” shows us that honoring one’s parents does not override any Mitzvos because all Mitzvos come from the necessity to do HaShem’s will, including honoring one’s parents. Yet the Torah made a specific mention of Shabbos because the message of Shabbos is intrinsically connected to honoring one’s parents. A person who honors one’s parents recognizes Creation, and it follows that he should also observe the Shabbos which represents the ultimate commemoration of Creation.
This view of elder generations illuminates to us the Torah attitude towards the past, and its stark contrast to that of the secular world. The secular view emphasizes the value of progress whilst often deemphasizing adherence to past values. The Torah view stresses adherence to the values that were passed down since Mattan Torah (the Giving of the Torah). It approaches changes in the modern world in the context of those values. Thus, whilst there have often been valid new approaches and movements in Jewish history they always stay within the context of the values of Mattan Torah. This ides is demonstrated by the Hebrew word for progress – kadima. The root of this word is kedem which means the past. This teaches us that the Torah view is that progress is based on adherence to the values of the past. Those values are very much relevant to the present. We have seen how the Mitzvos of Shabbos and Honoring one’s parents are intrinsically connected – both emphasize the belief in the act of Creation. In turn, they teach us to rest on the seventh day and to respect our elders as being closer to the great moment of Creation. May we all internalize these lessons and keep both Mitzvos to our greatest ability – and doing so will enable to keep all the Torah.

YITZCHAK AVINU - TOLDOS

The Torah devotes three parshios to Avraham Avinu and Yaakov Avinu. In contrast, only parshas Toldos focuses on Yitzchak Avinu. And even in this parsha, there is only one story which involves Yitzchak and no other Av; the story of his time living in Gerar, the land of the Phlishtim. This is an account of how Yitzchak is forced by a famine to move to Gerar where he says that his wife, Rivka, is his sister, like his father had done many years earlier. Then the Torah goes to considerable length describing how the Plishtim sealed wells that Avraham had dug, and how Yitzchak re-dug them. He endures considerable hostility from the native Plishtim and finally makes a treaty with their King, Avimelech. On superficial analysis it is very difficult to derive any significant lessons from this story, but in truth, it provides the key to understanding Yitzchak Avinu. The most striking aspect of Yitzchak’s actions is that they very closely followed those of his father. When there was a famine in Avraham’s time he headed for Mitzrayim; Yitzchak planned to do the same thing until Hashem told him not to leave Eretz Yisroel. Then he returned to the wells that his father had dug but were now sealed and he dug them again, and called them the same names that his father had called them. Rabbeinu Bachya states that from Yitzchak’s actions here, we derive the concept of mesoras avos, following in the traditions of our fathers for all future generations of the Jewish people. Yitzchak did not want to veer one inch from the path trodden by his father. Rav Mattisyahu Salomon Shlita explains Yitzchak’s role among the Avos: Avraham was the trailblazer; he set the precedents and established the guideposts. Yitzchak’s avoda was to consolidate everything that his father had done, to follow precisely in his father’s footsteps and thereby establish for all future generations the primacy of mesora. Yitzchak’s life work was not to seek new ways and new paths but to follow faithfully on the path trodden by his father. Therefore, when a famine comes to the land, he immediately thinks of going to Mitzrayim because his father did so. And when he comes to Gerar he digs the same wells and gives them the same names that Avraham had given them.

However, there is another key aspect to Yizchak Avinu that seems to contradict the idea that he followed his father in every way: Chazal tell us that they possessed very different personalities; Avraham epitomizes midos hachesed, overflowing with kindness to everyone. Yitzchak, in contrast, is characterized by midos hadin and gevura. Indeed, a great part of his greatness is the fact that he was not a mere clone of his father; this is illustrated by Chazal’s explanation of why Yitzchak’s tefillas for children were answered before those of Rivka. The Gemara, quoted by Rashi, tells us that there is no comparison between the tefillos of a tzaddik ben tzaddik to those of a tzaddik ben rasha. This is very difficult to understand, a person who overcomes their negative upbringing to become righteous seems to deserve greater merit than one who is born into a righteous family. The answer is that a tzadik ben tzadik faces an even more difficult challenge - not to become a carbon copy of his father. Avraham was the greatest role model a person could have, and it would have been natural for Yitzchak to try to emulate his father’s every action. However, Yitzchak did not content himself with that; he forged his own path in his Avodas Hashem.

We have seen that on the one hand, Yitzchak represents the mesora, not deviating from the path that his father had set. And, on the other hand, he possessed a totally different character to his father! How can we resolve these two aspects of Yitzchak? In reality there is no contradiction; All Jews are born into a line of tradition that goes back to Avraham Avinu; we are obligated to faithfully adhere to the instructions and attitudes that we receive from this line of mesora. A person cannot mechadesh his own set of values or hanhagos; there is a mesora that guides him how to live his life. But, at the same time, this does not mean that each person in the chain of mesora is identical in every way - there are many ways in which a person can express himself in the fulfillment of the mesora. The Chofetz Chaim zt”l asks why the Torah emphasizes that the Etz HaHcahim was davke in the middle (‘besoch’) of Gan Eden. He answers that there is one central point of truth but that there are numerous points surrounding it, each one standing at an equal distant from the centre. So too, there are many approaches to Judaism that emphasize different forms of Avoda and different character traits. However, as long as they remain within the boundaries of the mesora, then they are all of equal validity.

There was one Yeshiva in particular that stressed the idea that each person should not be forced into one specific mold - Slobodka. The Alter of Slobodka placed great stress on the uniqueness of each individual. He was very weary of employing highly charismatic teachers in his yeshiva for fear that they would overwhelm their students with their sheer force of personality. Rav Yerucham Levovitz zt”l, the great Mashgiach of the Mirrer Yeshiva, once visited the Alter. On the first day of his visit, the Alter reproved him so vehemently that the whole Yeshiva could hear the shouts from closed doors. This reproof continued day after day for nearly a week. What had upset the Alter? He felt that Reb Yerucham was so charismatic that he was turning the Mirrer bochrim into his ‘Cossacks’ - each one in Reb Yerucham’s image - rather than allowing each to develop their own unique expression.

This emphasis on encouraging a student to develop his individuality permeated the teachings of Slobodka talmidim. Rav Yaakov Kamenetzky zt”l, always emphasized the importance of independence in learning. While not denigrating the importance of a talmid’s devotion to his rebbe, he stressed that this should not prevent the student from developing independently his own powers of analysis and reaching his own conclusions. He used to say that Rav Baruch Ber Leibowitz zt”l, would have made even greater contributions to the understanding of the Torah if he had adopted his own original approaches in addition to developing the ideas of his Rebbi, Rav Chaim Soloveitchik zt”l. Reb Yaakov related that as a young man, Reb Baruch Ber destroyed all the chiddushim that he had written prior to studying under Reb Chaim.

Reb Yaakov adopted a similar approach in the area of hashkafa - he felt that if a person had a tendency towards a certain valid stream of Torah then he should not be prevented from looking into it even if it contrasted the traditional outlook adopted by his family. A family close to Reb Yaakov was shocked when the youngest of their seven sons informed them that he wanted to be a Skverer Chassid. They went together with the boy to Reb Yaakov expecting him to convince their son that boys from proper German-Jewish families do not become Chassidim. To their surprise, Reb Yaakov spent his time assuring them that it was not a reflection on them that their son wanted to follow a different path of Avodas Hashem. Obviously, their son had certain emotional needs which, he felt, could be filled by becoming a chassid and they should honor those feelings. Reb Yaakov even recommended a step more radical than the parents were willing to consider - sending the boy to a Skverer Yeshiva!

The idea that there are many different valid ways for an observant Jew to express himself is relevant to many areas of our lives, one is development of one‘s personality: There is a tendency in many societies for certain character traits to gain more praise than others. For example, being outgoing and confident is often seen as very positive, whilst being shy and retiring is often viewed in a negative light. An extroverted parent who has a more introverted child may be inclined to see his child’s quiet nature as a character flaw and try to pressure him to change his ways. However, the likelihood is that this will only succeed in making him feel inadequate. It is the parent’s avoda to accept that his child may be different from him, accept him for who he is and work with his strengths. Similarly a child may find it difficult to sit for long periods of time and focus on learning. If a parent or teacher places too great a pressure on the child to learn, then it is likely that when he grows up he will rebel. Even within the curriculum of learning a person may feel unsatisfied if he only learns Gemara all day long. Many people enjoy exploring other areas of Torah such as Navi, hashkafa and mussar. It may be advisable (with Rabbinic guidance) to encourage one’s children or talmidim with such leanings to learn these areas instead of making them feel inadequate for not learning Gemara to the exclusion of everything else. And as we have seen from the story with Reb Yaakov, there is no need to be afraid if one’s child or talmid chooses to express his Yiddishkeit in a different way from his parents. It should be noted that whilst chinch habanim is the area most effected by this message, it also applies greatly to our own Avodas Hashem. We too may experience feelings of inadequacy in some area of our lives because we do not ‘fit in’ with the consensus of the society that we live in. However, sometimes, we may be able to find more satisfaction in our Avodas Hashem, midos or learning, if we allow ourselves to express our strengths. Of course this should be done with guidance and strict adherence to the mesora.

What are the benefits of encouraging a person to express his individuality in Torah? We said earlier that the Yeshiva that most stressed this idea was Slobodka. If one were to look at the products of all the great Yeshivas he will see that Slobodka produced by far the greatest number of Gedolim. And what is striking about these great people is how different they were from each other. By stressing the uniqueness of each individual the Alter was able to bring the best out of each of his talmidim. If we can emulate him then we have a far greater chance of enabling ourselves, our children and our students to live happier and more successful lives.