The parsha discusses the mitzvo of tzedaka and promises a special bracha to one who fulfils this mitzvo b’simcha: “You will surely give to him [the poor man] and you should not feel bad in your heart when giving him, because of this thing (davar hazeh) Hashem, your G-d will bless you in all your deeds and your every undertaking. ” The Gemara elaborates on the number of brachos one receives when he gives tzedaka: “Rebbi Yitzchak says, ‘one who gives a prutah to a poor person is blessed with six brachos and one who speaks kindly to him [whilst giving the prutah] is blessed with [an additional] eleven brachos .” The Gra explains that these 17 brachos are alluded to in the passuk - the Torah says that a person will receive the blessing, “because of davar hazeh” - the word hazeh is gematria of 17, thus alluding to the maximum amount of brachos one can receive if he gives tzedaka in the optimum manner .
However, this Gemara seems difficult to understand. It says that a person receives nearly double as many brachos for speaking in a friendly manner as for giving money. Being friendly is a good hanhago (form of behaviour) but why does the Gemara consider it so much greater than providing a poor person with the money he so desperately needs?! There is an Avos d’Rebbi Nosson which discusses a similar issue that can help us answer this question. It says, “one should greet every man with a friendly countenance… if a person gives to his friend all the gifts in the world, but his face is sullen, it is considered as if he gave nothing. But one who greets his fellow with a friendly countenance, even if he gave him no gifts, it is considered as if he gave him all the best gifts in the world. ”
The Sifsei Chaim explains that what people want more than anything is for others to show an interest in and care about them. A gift is merely an indication that the giver thought about the needs of his fellow and how he could give him joy. However, without an accompanying show of warmth the main purpose of the gift is lost because the person does not feel as if he is being genuinely cared about. In contrast when a person is friendly to his fellow even without giving any gifts, then he is providing him with his primary need, the desire to feel cared about . This explanation can also be used to answer our question. A person who gives tzedaka with a friendly attitude is giving much more than money, he is nourishing the poor man with a sense of importance by showing that he is cared about.
We learn from here how showing an interest in our fellow is one of the greatest possible acts of kindess that we can perform, even surpassing giving charity. There are numerous sayings of Chazal that stress the importance of being friendly. The Gemara tells us that Rav Yochanan Ben Zakkai greeted everyone before they could greet him, even the non-Jew in the market-place . Rav Dan Roth Shlita explains what we can learn from this Chazal. Rav Yochanan Ben Zakkai was the greatest Sage in his time and was the Nasi (Prince), the highest ranking position amongst the Jewish people. And yet, despite his high rank and prestige, he never failed to greet other people first. He recognized the power of a friendly greeting. Wishing someone ‘good morning’ shows that you acknowledge who he or she is. In a world where people are often not appreciated enough, by greeting someone we show that we see him as something of worth. This applies to non-Jews and especially to those people that we tend not to notice or acknowledge such as taxi drivers, street cleaners and security guards . The following true stories demonstrate how important it is to learn from Rav Yochanan Ben Zakkai.
A Jew was working in a meat-packing plant in Norway. Towards the end of the day he went into one of the freezers to do an inspection. The freezer door slipped off its safety latch and closed, trapping the man in the freezer. He tried banging on the door and yelling but no avail. Most of the workers had already gone home and the sound was muffled anyway by the heavy freezer door. He was in the room for five hours and on the verge of death. Suddenly the door opened. The security guard put his head in and came to his rescue and saved his life. The security guard was later asked why he thought to open that freezer door. He explained, “I have been working here for thirty-five years. Hundreds of workers come to this plant every day. This Jew is the only one who says hello to me in the morning and good-bye in the evening. All the other workers treat me as invisible. Today he said hello, but I never heard the good-bye. I wait for that hello and good-bye every day. Knowing I never heard it, I realised that he must be somewhere in the building so I searched for him. ’’ A simple ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ were so important to this security guard that he waited for them every day. We should strive to be like the Jew who greeted him so regularly and NOT like everyone else who treated him as if he didn’t exist.
It should be noted that being friendly does not merely constitute a praiseworthy act, rather it is an obligation that is incumbent upon every Jew. Rav Dessler zt”l points out that the Mishna in Avos which tells us to greet people in a friendly manner is said in the name of Shammai. It would have seemed more appropriate for Hillel, who is associated with chesed to express this idea, than Shammai who is known for his midos hadin . Rav Dessler explains that this comes to teach us that greeting our fellow in a friendly way is a chiyuv gamoor . Moreover, the Gemara states that anyone who knows that his friend regularly greets him should strive to be the one to initiate the greeting. Moreover, if his friend greeted him first and he does not return the greeting then he is called a thief . Rav Dessler explains that when one refrains from returning his friend’s greeting, he is stealing his self-worth and this is a terrible sin. Indeed, when one is doing teshuva for the various forms of stealing he should include the aveiro of ’gezeilas shalom’ and commit to being more friendly in the future.
We have seen how there is a clear obligation to show warmth in our interactions with our fellow man and that by doing so we can give him a true sense of self-worth. How can a person strive to improve in this vital area of avodas Hashem? It is recommended to notice anyone in our neighborhood who does not seem to know many people and to try to befriend them. This applies especially to new members of the community who naturally feel unknown and unimportant in their new neighborhood. But it is even worthwhile to say a friendly word to anyone in the community with whom we have thus far not made any effort to do so.
May we all merit to treat our fellow in the way that he deserves.
Showing posts with label Re'eh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Re'eh. Show all posts
Monday, August 22, 2011
HOW TO GIVE TO OTHERS - RE’EH
This week’s Parsha is the source of the mitzvo to give tzedaka. The Torah tells us that we should give a person “enough for his lack which is lacking to him. ” Chazal learn out from the words, “to him” at the end of the passuk that we must give according to each individual’s specific needs. For example, if a person who was wealthy and used to an extravagant lifestyle then became poor, we must try to give him to the extent that he can live according to his previous standing . In this vein, Chazal tell us of a man who had been accustomed to traveling on a carriage with servants running in front of him. When he lost his money, Hillel HaZaken ensured that he have a carriage to ride and even ran in front of the carriage himself !
This concept teaches us a fundamental principle in chesed - that we must give according to the specific needs of the other person. A significant part of the avoda of chesed is to discern each person’s unique requirements and strive to fulfill them. This is not an easy task because each person views the world through his own eyes and one can easily project his own desires and needs onto others. Consequently he may provide them with what would be important to the giver but is not so important to the receiver. For example, if a person likes apples he may presume that others also do and therefore he will feel he is doing a great chesed by giving them apples. However, the recipient of his ‘chesed’ may prefer oranges, thus the giver did not truly satisfy his friend’s needs because he presumed that he had the same tastes as himself.
This concept, however, seems to contradict the most fundamental mitzvo in bein adam lechaveiro; that of ‘love your neighbor like yourself’. Hillel interpreted this mitzvo to primarily mean, ‘‘that which is hateful to you do not do to your friend”. This teaches us that the mitzvo is to treat one’s friend in the same way that one would like to be treated himself. This implies that one does not have to try to understand his fellow’s specific needs, rather the mitzvo is limited to treating the receiver according to the giver’s own personal preferences. This would indicate that if a person likes apples then he should give apples to his friend because he would like his friend to do the same to him, and the fact that his friend actually prefers oranges is irrelevant.
The Chofetz Chaim zt”l raises this question in the context of hilchos lashon hara : He writes that some statements are not objectively lashon hara, rather they depend on the subject of discussion. For example, to say that Ploni learns 4 hours a day could be a positive statement or a transgression of lashon hara. It depends about who is being spoken about. If one would say that a working man learns 4 hours a day, then that would be a praiseworthy statement, however to say the same thing about an avreich would be lashon hara. The Chofetz Chaim then says that one may ask the aforementioned kasha; a person who works himself may argue that he would like people to say about him that he learns 4 hours a day, therefore it should be permissible to say the same thing about someone who is supposed to learn the whole day. The proof of this argument is Hillel’s statement that it is only forbidden to do to someone what we would not like him to do to us, but in this case we would very much like to be spoken about in such a way. The Chofetz Chaim answers that when Hillel said, “that which is hateful to you do not do to your friend”, he meant that if you were on his level or in his situation, then this would be hateful to you, even if it is not actually hateful to you at your present standing. This teaches us that the mitzvo of ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ does not in fact contradict the concept of doing chesed according to the other person’s needs. Rather it means that, just like we would like our fellow to do what is beneficial in our eyes, and avoid what it hateful in our eyes, so too, we must treat him in a way that is beneficial in his eyes.
Rav Yisroel Salanter zt”l taught and demonstrated the importance of understanding other people’s needs and situations throughout his life. On one occasion, a talmid saw Rav Salanter conversing with someone about mundane matters, which was very out of character for him, because he would generally only speak words of Torah. Later, during a discussion on idle speech, the talmid asked Rav Salanter why he was speaking about such mundane matters. He explained that the man with whom he was speaking was dpressed and it was a great chesed to cheer him up now. Said Rav Salanter, “how could I cheer him up? With talk of Mussar and fear of G-d? The only way was with light, pleasant conversation about worldly matters. ” He understood the needs of this man and acted accordingly.
We have seen how the foundation of true chesed is understanding our fellow’s needs and trying to fulfill them, rather than presuming that that which is important to us is also important to them. This avoda occurs constantly in every kind of relationship. In marriage, it is very common that husband and wife have different interests; for example, when the wife talks about something that is important to her, the husband may not feel a great deal of enthusiasm in this particular topic. However, he or she should recognize that this is important to the other one and therefore express interest in that which is important to her. Similarly, children have very different interests than their parents and their parents may not be so fascinated by the childish pursuits of their children. Nonetheless it is essential that they do not dismiss their children’s enthusiastic discussion because to do so shows a severe lack of empathy and concern with their children’s needs. There are countless likewise situations throughout our lives and it is vital to work on this area in order to become genuine baalei chesed.
MOURNING: THE BODY AND THE SOUL - RE’EH
In Parshas Re’eh, the Torah outlines certain acts of mourning that were practiced by the non-Jews in those times. Some would make cuts in their body, whilst others would tear out hair between their eyes. The Torah forbids such actions, saying: “You are children of G-d, do not cut yourselves, nor tear out hair between your eyes over a death.” Similarly, in Parshas Kedoshim, the Torah tells us: "You should not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you; I am Hashem." These mitzvos teach that it is wrong to make a cut in one's body as a sign of mourning. In contrast, there is a positive commandment to tear one's clothing on the occasion of the death of a close relative (this is known as kriah). The Shulchan Aruch states: "Someone whose relative has died, (if it is a relative that one is required to mourn over), must tear [their garment] for them." It is striking how very similar actions of tearing are regarded so differently in Jewish law, to the extent that cutting one's flesh is forbidden and yet, tearing one's clothing is obligatory?
In order to understand the difference between cutting one's body and cutting one's clothing, it is necessary to analyze the first event in the Torah in which clothing plays a role - that of the chet (sin) of Adam Harishon. The Torah tells us that before the chet, Adam and Chava did not wear any clothes, yet they felt no shame. However, after they ate from the fruit, they then realized that they were naked and they wore clothes to cover their shame. What change took place as a result of the sin? We know that man is comprised of two, contrasting features; a body and a soul. It seems that it was always understood that it was inappropriate for one's essence to be exposed, and therefore there was the necessity of some kind of 'covering', or clothing. Before the sin, Adam primarily identified himself as a soul, and his body took on the role of a kind of 'clothing' for the soul. Accordingly, there was no need for garments to act as clothing for the body, because the body was a kind of clothing in and of itself. However, after the sin, man's primary identity shifted to being that of a body. Once he viewed his body as being the ikar , he felt embarrassed when it was uncovered. Accordingly he needed clothing to cover himself.
With this insight into the relationship between body and soul, we can now gain a deeper understanding of the significance of tearing one's clothing or cutting one's body. Since the chet of Adam Harishon, man lives his life primarily focusing on himself as a body. Thus, when a person dies, one could mistakenly think that his whole being is gone forever. However, this is a serious mistake - he has only lost his body, but his soul remains extant. Accordingly, he is commanded to tear his clothing to remind him in his time of grief, that his loved one's essence has not disappeared. Only his body, which was the clothing for his soul, has been lost, however his soul is intact. This explains why it is forbidden to make a cut in one's flesh. To do so indicates a belief that this person ceases to exist in all forms.
The Torah's directives about mourning teaches not only about the correct attitude to death but also to how one should approach his life as well. With regard to death, we learn that death is not the end of a person's existence. We recognize that a person’s loved one has moved on to a higher plain of existence. Making cuts in one's body symbolizes a belief that the deceased ceases to exist in any form. Accordingly, it is a totally inappropriate action.
With regard to life, these lessons remind a person that he should not lose sight of the fact that his soul is the primary source of his identity and his body is a temporary vessel whose job is to facilitate the well-being of the soul. Accordingly, whilst one must provide for the basic physical needs of the body, he should not do so as an end in itself, rather to strengthen himself to be in a healthy physical state to embark on his spiritual endeavors. This is very difficult, given the state of man after the sin of Adam Harishon, however, the more one strengthens his recognition of the primacy of the soul, the more he will be able to put this lesson into practice.
May we all merit to understand the Torah approach to life and death.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
MOURNING: THE BODY AND THE SOUL - RE'EH
In Parshas Re’eh, the Torah outlines certain acts of mourning that were practiced by the non-Jews in those times. Some would make cuts in their body, whilst others would tear out hair between their eyes. The Torah forbids such actions, saying: “You are children of G-d, do not cut yourselves, nor tear out hair between your eyes over a death.” Similarly, in Parshas Kedoshim, the Torah tells us: "You should not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you; I am Hashem." These mitzvos teach that it is wrong to make a cut in one's body as a sign of mourning. In contrast, there is a positive commandment to tear one's clothing on the occasion of the death of a close relative (this is known as kriah). The Shulchan Aruch states: "Someone whose relative has died, (if it is a relative that one is required to mourn over), must tear [their garment] for them." It is striking how very similar actions of tearing are regarded so differently in Jewish law, to the extent that cutting one's flesh is forbidden and yet, tearing one's clothing is obligatory?
In order to understand the difference between cutting one's body and cutting one's clothing, it is necessary to analyze the first event in the Torah in which clothing plays a role - that of the chet (sin) of Adam Harishon. The Torah tells us that before the chet, Adam and Chava did not wear any clothes, yet they felt no shame. However, after they ate from the fruit, they then realized that they were naked and they wore clothes to cover their shame. What change took place as a result of the sin? We know that man is comprised of two, contrasting features; a body and a soul. It seems that it was always understood that it was inappropriate for one's essence to be exposed, and therefore there was the necessity of some kind of 'covering', or clothing. Before the sin, Adam primarily identified himself as a soul, and his body took on the role of a kind of 'clothing' for the soul. Accordingly, there was no need for garments to act as clothing for the body, because the body was a kind of clothing in and of itself. However, after the sin, man's primary identity shifted to being that of a body. Once he viewed his body as being the ikar , he felt embarrassed when it was uncovered. Accordingly he needed clothing to cover himself.
With this insight into the relationship between body and soul, we can now gain a deeper understanding of the significance of tearing one's clothing or cutting one's body. Since the chet of Adam Harishon, man lives his life primarily focusing on himself as a body. Thus, when a person dies, one could mistakenly think that his whole being is gone forever. However, this is a serious mistake - he has only lost his body, but his soul remains extant. Accordingly, he is commanded to tear his clothing to remind him in his time of grief, that his loved one's essence has not disappeared. Only his body, which was the clothing for his soul, has been lost, however his soul is intact. This explains why it is forbidden to make a cut in one's flesh. To do so indicates a belief that this person ceases to exist in all forms.
The Torah's directives about mourning teaches not only about the correct attitude to death but also to how one should approach his life as well. With regard to death, we learn that death is not the end of a person's existence. We recognize that a person’s loved one has moved on to a higher plain of existence. Making cuts in one's body symbolizes a belief that the deceased ceases to exist in any form. Accordingly, it is a totally inappropriate action.
With regard to life, these lessons remind a person that he should not lose sight of the fact that his soul is the primary source of his identity and his body is a temporary vessel whose job is to facilitate the well-being of the soul. Accordingly, whilst one must provide for the basic physical needs of the body, he should not do so as an end in itself, rather to strengthen is so person to be in a healthy physical state to embark on his spiritual endeavors. This is very difficult, given the state of man after the sin of Adam Harishon, however, the more one strengthens his recognition of the primacy of the soul, the more he will be able to put this lesson into practice.
May we all merit to understand the Torah approach to life and death.
In order to understand the difference between cutting one's body and cutting one's clothing, it is necessary to analyze the first event in the Torah in which clothing plays a role - that of the chet (sin) of Adam Harishon. The Torah tells us that before the chet, Adam and Chava did not wear any clothes, yet they felt no shame. However, after they ate from the fruit, they then realized that they were naked and they wore clothes to cover their shame. What change took place as a result of the sin? We know that man is comprised of two, contrasting features; a body and a soul. It seems that it was always understood that it was inappropriate for one's essence to be exposed, and therefore there was the necessity of some kind of 'covering', or clothing. Before the sin, Adam primarily identified himself as a soul, and his body took on the role of a kind of 'clothing' for the soul. Accordingly, there was no need for garments to act as clothing for the body, because the body was a kind of clothing in and of itself. However, after the sin, man's primary identity shifted to being that of a body. Once he viewed his body as being the ikar , he felt embarrassed when it was uncovered. Accordingly he needed clothing to cover himself.
With this insight into the relationship between body and soul, we can now gain a deeper understanding of the significance of tearing one's clothing or cutting one's body. Since the chet of Adam Harishon, man lives his life primarily focusing on himself as a body. Thus, when a person dies, one could mistakenly think that his whole being is gone forever. However, this is a serious mistake - he has only lost his body, but his soul remains extant. Accordingly, he is commanded to tear his clothing to remind him in his time of grief, that his loved one's essence has not disappeared. Only his body, which was the clothing for his soul, has been lost, however his soul is intact. This explains why it is forbidden to make a cut in one's flesh. To do so indicates a belief that this person ceases to exist in all forms.
The Torah's directives about mourning teaches not only about the correct attitude to death but also to how one should approach his life as well. With regard to death, we learn that death is not the end of a person's existence. We recognize that a person’s loved one has moved on to a higher plain of existence. Making cuts in one's body symbolizes a belief that the deceased ceases to exist in any form. Accordingly, it is a totally inappropriate action.
With regard to life, these lessons remind a person that he should not lose sight of the fact that his soul is the primary source of his identity and his body is a temporary vessel whose job is to facilitate the well-being of the soul. Accordingly, whilst one must provide for the basic physical needs of the body, he should not do so as an end in itself, rather to strengthen is so person to be in a healthy physical state to embark on his spiritual endeavors. This is very difficult, given the state of man after the sin of Adam Harishon, however, the more one strengthens his recognition of the primacy of the soul, the more he will be able to put this lesson into practice.
May we all merit to understand the Torah approach to life and death.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
HOW TO GIVE TO OTHERS - RE'EH
This week’s Parsha is the source of the mitzvo to give tzedaka. The Torah tells us that we should give a person “enough for his lack which is lacking to him. ” Chazal learn out from the words, “to him” at the end of the passuk that we must give according to each individual’s specific needs. For example, if a person who was wealthy and used to an extravagant lifestyle then became poor, we must try to give him to the extent that he can live according to his previous standing . In this vein, Chazal tell us of a man who had been accustomed to traveling on a carriage with servants running in front of him. When he lost his money, Hillel HaZaken ensured that he have a carriage to ride and even ran in front of the carriage himself !
This concept teaches us a fundamental principle in chesed - that we must give according to the specific needs of the other person. A significant part of the avoda of chesed is to discern each person’s unique requirements and strive to fulfill them. This is not an easy task because each person views the world through his own eyes and one can easily project his own desires and needs onto others. Consequently he may provide them with what would be important to the giver but is not so important to the receiver. For example, if a person likes apples he may presume that others also do and therefore he will feel he is doing a great chesed by giving them apples. However, the recipient of his ‘chesed’ may prefer oranges, thus the giver did not truly satisfy his friend’s needs because he presumed that he had the same tastes as himself.
This concept, however, seems to contradict the most fundamental mitzvo in bein adam lechaveiro; that of ‘love your neighbor like yourself’. Hillel interpreted this mitzvo to primarily mean, ‘‘that which is hateful to you do not do to your friend”. This teaches us that the mitzvo is to treat one’s friend in the same way that one would like to be treated himself. This implies that one does not have to try to understand his fellow’s specific needs, rather the mitzvo is limited to treating the receiver according to the giver’s own personal preferences. This would indicate that if a person likes apples then he should give apples to his friend because he would like his friend to do the same to him, and the fact that his friend actually prefers oranges is irrelevant.
The Chofetz Chaim zt”l raises this question in the context of hilchos lashon hara : He writes that some statements are not objectively lashon hara, rather they depend on the subject of discussion. For example, to say that Ploni learns 4 hours a day could be a positive statement or a transgression of lashon hara. It depends about who is being spoken about. If one would say that a working man learns 4 hours a day, then that would be a praiseworthy statement, however to say the same thing about an avreich would be lashon hara. The Chofetz Chaim then says that one may ask the aforementioned kasha; a person who works himself may argue that he would like people to say about him that he learns 4 hours a day, therefore it should be permissible to say the same thing about someone who is supposed to learn the whole day. The proof of this argument is Hillel’s statement that it is only forbidden to do to someone what we would not like him to do to us, but in this case we would very much like to be spoken about in such a way. The Chofetz Chaim answers that when Hillel said, “that which is hateful to you do not do to your friend”, he meant that if you were on his level or in his situation, then this would be hateful to you, even if it is not actually hateful to you at your present standing. This teaches us that the mitzvo of ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ does not in fact contradict the concept of doing chesed according to the other person’s needs. Rather it means that, just like we would like our fellow to do what is beneficial in our eyes, and avoid what it hateful in our eyes, so too, we must treat him in a way that is beneficial in his eyes.
Rav Yisroel Salanter zt”l taught and demonstrated the importance of understanding other people’s needs and situations throughout his life. On one occasion, a talmid saw Rav Salanter conversing with someone about mundane matters, which was very out of character for him, because he would generally only speak words of Torah. Later, during a discussion on idle speech, the talmid asked Rav Salanter why he was speaking about such mundane matters. He explained that the man with whom he was speaking was dpressed and it was a great chesed to cheer him up now. Said Rav Salanter, “how could I cheer him up? With talk of Mussar and fear of G-d? The only way was with light, pleasant conversation about worldly matters. ” He understood the needs of this man and acted accordingly.
We have seen how the foundation of true chesed is understanding our fellow’s needs and trying to fulfill them, rather than presuming that that which is important to us is also important to them. This avoda occurs constantly in every kind of relationship. In marriage, it is very common that husband and wife have different interests; for example, when the wife talks about something that is important to her, the husband may not feel a great deal of enthusiasm in this particular topic. However, he or she should recognize that this is important to the other one and therefore express interest in that which is important to her. Similarly, children have very different interests than their parents and their parents may not be so fascinated by the childish pursuits of their children. Nonetheless it is essential that they do not dismiss their children’s enthusiastic discussion because to do so shows a severe lack of empathy and concern with their children’s needs. There are countless likewise situations throughout our lives and it is vital to work on this area in order to become genuine baalei chesed.
This concept teaches us a fundamental principle in chesed - that we must give according to the specific needs of the other person. A significant part of the avoda of chesed is to discern each person’s unique requirements and strive to fulfill them. This is not an easy task because each person views the world through his own eyes and one can easily project his own desires and needs onto others. Consequently he may provide them with what would be important to the giver but is not so important to the receiver. For example, if a person likes apples he may presume that others also do and therefore he will feel he is doing a great chesed by giving them apples. However, the recipient of his ‘chesed’ may prefer oranges, thus the giver did not truly satisfy his friend’s needs because he presumed that he had the same tastes as himself.
This concept, however, seems to contradict the most fundamental mitzvo in bein adam lechaveiro; that of ‘love your neighbor like yourself’. Hillel interpreted this mitzvo to primarily mean, ‘‘that which is hateful to you do not do to your friend”. This teaches us that the mitzvo is to treat one’s friend in the same way that one would like to be treated himself. This implies that one does not have to try to understand his fellow’s specific needs, rather the mitzvo is limited to treating the receiver according to the giver’s own personal preferences. This would indicate that if a person likes apples then he should give apples to his friend because he would like his friend to do the same to him, and the fact that his friend actually prefers oranges is irrelevant.
The Chofetz Chaim zt”l raises this question in the context of hilchos lashon hara : He writes that some statements are not objectively lashon hara, rather they depend on the subject of discussion. For example, to say that Ploni learns 4 hours a day could be a positive statement or a transgression of lashon hara. It depends about who is being spoken about. If one would say that a working man learns 4 hours a day, then that would be a praiseworthy statement, however to say the same thing about an avreich would be lashon hara. The Chofetz Chaim then says that one may ask the aforementioned kasha; a person who works himself may argue that he would like people to say about him that he learns 4 hours a day, therefore it should be permissible to say the same thing about someone who is supposed to learn the whole day. The proof of this argument is Hillel’s statement that it is only forbidden to do to someone what we would not like him to do to us, but in this case we would very much like to be spoken about in such a way. The Chofetz Chaim answers that when Hillel said, “that which is hateful to you do not do to your friend”, he meant that if you were on his level or in his situation, then this would be hateful to you, even if it is not actually hateful to you at your present standing. This teaches us that the mitzvo of ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ does not in fact contradict the concept of doing chesed according to the other person’s needs. Rather it means that, just like we would like our fellow to do what is beneficial in our eyes, and avoid what it hateful in our eyes, so too, we must treat him in a way that is beneficial in his eyes.
Rav Yisroel Salanter zt”l taught and demonstrated the importance of understanding other people’s needs and situations throughout his life. On one occasion, a talmid saw Rav Salanter conversing with someone about mundane matters, which was very out of character for him, because he would generally only speak words of Torah. Later, during a discussion on idle speech, the talmid asked Rav Salanter why he was speaking about such mundane matters. He explained that the man with whom he was speaking was dpressed and it was a great chesed to cheer him up now. Said Rav Salanter, “how could I cheer him up? With talk of Mussar and fear of G-d? The only way was with light, pleasant conversation about worldly matters. ” He understood the needs of this man and acted accordingly.
We have seen how the foundation of true chesed is understanding our fellow’s needs and trying to fulfill them, rather than presuming that that which is important to us is also important to them. This avoda occurs constantly in every kind of relationship. In marriage, it is very common that husband and wife have different interests; for example, when the wife talks about something that is important to her, the husband may not feel a great deal of enthusiasm in this particular topic. However, he or she should recognize that this is important to the other one and therefore express interest in that which is important to her. Similarly, children have very different interests than their parents and their parents may not be so fascinated by the childish pursuits of their children. Nonetheless it is essential that they do not dismiss their children’s enthusiastic discussion because to do so shows a severe lack of empathy and concern with their children’s needs. There are countless likewise situations throughout our lives and it is vital to work on this area in order to become genuine baalei chesed.
THE VALUE OF FRIENDLINESS - RE'EH
The parsha discusses the mitzvo of tzedaka and promises a special bracha to one who fulfils this mitzvo b’simcha: “You will surely give to him [the poor man] and you should not feel bad in your heart when giving him; because of this thing (davar hazeh) Hashem, your G-d will bless you in all your deeds and your every undertaking. ” The Gemara discusses the amount of brachos one receives when he gives tzedaka: “Rebbi Yitzchak says, ‘one who gives a prutah to a poor person is blessed with six brachos and one who speaks kindly to him [whilst giving the prutah] is blessed with [an additional] eleven brachos .” The Gra explains that these 17 brachos are alluded to in the passuk - the Torah says that a person will receive the blessing, “because of davar hazeh” - the word hazeh is gematria of 17, thus alluding to the maximum amount of brachos one can receive if he gives tzedaka in the optimum manner .
However, this Gemara seems difficult to understand: It says that a person receives nearly double as many brachos for speaking in a friendly manner as for giving money - of course being friendly is a good hanhaga but why does the Gemara consider it so much greater than providing a poor person with the money he so desperately needs?! There is an Avos d’Rebbi Nosson which discusses a similar inyan that can help us answer this question. It says, “one should greet every man with a friendly countenance… if a person gives to his friend all the gifts in the world, but his face is sullen, it is considered as if he gave nothing. But one who greets his fellow with a friendly countenance, even if he gave him no gifts, it is considered as if he gave him all the best gifts in the world. ” The Sifsei Chaim explains that what people want more than anything is for others to show an interest in and care about them. A gift is merely an indication that the giver thought about the needs of his fellow and how he could give him joy. However, without an accompanying show of warmth the ikar tachlis of the gift is lost because the person does not feel as if he is being genuinely cared about. In contrast when a person is friendly to his fellow even without giving any gifts, then he is providing him with his ikar need, the desire to feel cared about . This explanation can also be used to answer our question. A person who gives tzedaka with a friendly attitude is giving much more than money, he is nourishing the poor man with a sense of importance by showing that he is cared about.
We learn from here how showing an interest in our fellow is one of the greatest possible chasadim we can do, even greater than giving tzedaka. There are a number of places where Chazal stress the importance of being friendly. The Gemara tells us that Rav Yochanan Ben Zakkai greeted everyone before they could greet him, even the non-Jew in the market-place . Rav Dan Roth Shlita explains what we can learn from this Chazal: Rav Yochanan Ben Zakkai was the greatest Sage in his time and was the nasi, the highest ranking position amongst the Jewish people. And yet, despite his high rank and prestige, he never failed to greet other people first. He recognised the power of a friendly greeting - wishing someone ‘good morning’ shows that you acknowledge who he or she is. In a world where people are often not appreciated enough, by greeting someone we show that we see him as something of worth. This applies to non-Jews and especially to those people that we tend not to notice or acknowledge such as taxi drivers, street cleaners and security guards . The following true stories demonstrate how important it is to learn from Rav Yochanan Ben Zakkai.
A Jew was working in a meat-packing plant in Norway. Towards the end of the day he went into one of the freezers to do an inspection. The freezer door slipped off its safety latch and closed, trapping the man in the freezer. He tried banging on the door and yelling but no avail. Most of the workers had already gone home and the sound was muffled anyway by the heavy freezer door. He was in the room for five hours and on the verge of death. Suddenly the door opened. The security guard put his head in and came to his rescue and saved his life. The security guard was later asked why he thought to open that freezer door. He explained, “I have been working here for thirty-five years. Hundreds of workers come to this plant every day. This Jew is the only one who says hello to me in the morning and good-bye in the evening. All the other workers treat me as invisible. Today he said hello, but I never heard the good-bye. I wait for that hello and good-bye every day. Knowing I never heard it, I realised that he must be somewhere in the building so I searched for him. ’’ A simple ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ were so important to this security guard that he waited for them every day. We should strive to be like the Jew who greeted him so regularly and NOT like everyone else who treated him as if he didn’t exist.
Rav Wolbe zt”l tells over the following story in Alei Shor . There was a baal teshuva in a yeshiva and his friends asked him who influenced him to be chozer b’teshuva. He answered, “I grew up in a mainly secular neighbourhood, but there was one religious Jew there. The residents of my area did not extend greetings to each other, the only exception being this one religious man. Every morning on my way to school I passed by this man he greeted me with a warm ’shalom’. I began to think to myself, ‘why is it that of all my neighbours only the religious man greets me - there must be something to his Torah!’ This was the start of how I came to complete teshuva.” It is clear from these stories that a friendly greeting can often have wonderful consequences. Moreover, it is a very great Kiddush Hashem when an observant Jew demonstrates that the Torah teaches us to show great warmth to our fellow man.
It should be noted that these inyanim are not merely middos chassidus, rather they are obligations that are incumbent upon every Jew. Rav Dessler zt”l points out that the Mishna in Avos which tells us to greet people in a friendly manner is said in the name of Shammai. It would have seemed more appropriate for Hillel, who is associated with chesed to say this maamer than Shammai who is known for his midos hadin. Rav Dessler explains that this comes to teach us that greeting our fellow in a friendly way is a chiyuv gamoor . Moreover, the Gemara states that anyone who knows that his friend regularly greets him should strive to be the one to initiate the greeting and that if his friend greets him first and he does not return the greeting then he is called a thief . Rav Dessler explains that when one refrains from returning his friend’s greeting, he is stealing his self-worth and this is a terrible sin. When we are doing teshuva for the various forms of stealing he should include the aveiro of ’gezeilas shalom’ and commit to being more friendly in the future.
There is another way of expressing an interest in others - smiling. The Gemara says that one who smiles to his friend is better than one who feeds him . This teaches that showing simcha at seeing someone gives him more joy than providing gashmius . The Gedolim spoke very strongly about the importance of smiling. The Alter of Slobodka said that someone who walks in public with a gloomy face is like a ’bor bereshus harabim’ (a hole in a public area) - when he is in public he has no right to force others to see his gloomy face . Moreover, he saw an inability to smile a negative mida; a senior talmid from a famous yeshiva in Poland stopped by in Slobodka on his way back from Lithuania. The Alter told him several times to smile. The talmid, who had been trained all his life to be serious and tense, could not change his habit, and did not smile. The Alter regarded this as a serious character flaw and refused to allow his grandson to cross the border n the company of that talmid . In a similar vein, the Sefer Yireim writes that just as there is an issur of onaas devarim, causing pain with hurtful words, so too there is a form of ‘onaah’ in showing an unhappy face . One may argue that there is a requirement of yiras shamayim that seems to contradict the requirement to be constantly smiling. The Gedolim also dealt with this issue at length . In short their maskana is that a person should internally feel an element of seriousness about life, but externally they must show happiness. Rav Yitzchak Blazer zt”l brings a story from his Rebbe, Rav Yisroel Salanter zt”l to show just how important it is to avoid letting one’s own coved rosh effect other people. One Erev Yom Kippur, Rav Salanter was walking to shul for Kol Nidrei. Whilst walking he turned to speak to someone he knew, but the person was in the midst of aimas hadin and did not reply. Rav Salanter commented, “why should I suffer because of his aimas hadin?!”
We have seen how there is a clear obligation to show warmth in our interactions with our fellow man and that by doing so we can give him a true sense of self-worth. How can a person strive to improve in this vital area of avodas Hashem? Sifsei Chaim suggests that in the area of smiling, we should utilise the principle that our external actions effect our internal being. Therefore a person should try to smile even if he doesn’t feel in the state of mind to do so. By showing an expression of simcha, he should begin to feel genuine simcha in his heart. In the area of greeting one’s fellow, it is recommended to notice anyone in our neighbourhood who doesn’t seem to know many people and to try to befriend them. This applies especially to new members of the Kehilla who naturally feel unknown and unimportant in their new neighbourhood. But it is even worthwhile to say a friendly word to anyone in the community with whom we have thus far not made any effort to do so.
May we all be zocheh to treat our fellow in the way that he deserves.
However, this Gemara seems difficult to understand: It says that a person receives nearly double as many brachos for speaking in a friendly manner as for giving money - of course being friendly is a good hanhaga but why does the Gemara consider it so much greater than providing a poor person with the money he so desperately needs?! There is an Avos d’Rebbi Nosson which discusses a similar inyan that can help us answer this question. It says, “one should greet every man with a friendly countenance… if a person gives to his friend all the gifts in the world, but his face is sullen, it is considered as if he gave nothing. But one who greets his fellow with a friendly countenance, even if he gave him no gifts, it is considered as if he gave him all the best gifts in the world. ” The Sifsei Chaim explains that what people want more than anything is for others to show an interest in and care about them. A gift is merely an indication that the giver thought about the needs of his fellow and how he could give him joy. However, without an accompanying show of warmth the ikar tachlis of the gift is lost because the person does not feel as if he is being genuinely cared about. In contrast when a person is friendly to his fellow even without giving any gifts, then he is providing him with his ikar need, the desire to feel cared about . This explanation can also be used to answer our question. A person who gives tzedaka with a friendly attitude is giving much more than money, he is nourishing the poor man with a sense of importance by showing that he is cared about.
We learn from here how showing an interest in our fellow is one of the greatest possible chasadim we can do, even greater than giving tzedaka. There are a number of places where Chazal stress the importance of being friendly. The Gemara tells us that Rav Yochanan Ben Zakkai greeted everyone before they could greet him, even the non-Jew in the market-place . Rav Dan Roth Shlita explains what we can learn from this Chazal: Rav Yochanan Ben Zakkai was the greatest Sage in his time and was the nasi, the highest ranking position amongst the Jewish people. And yet, despite his high rank and prestige, he never failed to greet other people first. He recognised the power of a friendly greeting - wishing someone ‘good morning’ shows that you acknowledge who he or she is. In a world where people are often not appreciated enough, by greeting someone we show that we see him as something of worth. This applies to non-Jews and especially to those people that we tend not to notice or acknowledge such as taxi drivers, street cleaners and security guards . The following true stories demonstrate how important it is to learn from Rav Yochanan Ben Zakkai.
A Jew was working in a meat-packing plant in Norway. Towards the end of the day he went into one of the freezers to do an inspection. The freezer door slipped off its safety latch and closed, trapping the man in the freezer. He tried banging on the door and yelling but no avail. Most of the workers had already gone home and the sound was muffled anyway by the heavy freezer door. He was in the room for five hours and on the verge of death. Suddenly the door opened. The security guard put his head in and came to his rescue and saved his life. The security guard was later asked why he thought to open that freezer door. He explained, “I have been working here for thirty-five years. Hundreds of workers come to this plant every day. This Jew is the only one who says hello to me in the morning and good-bye in the evening. All the other workers treat me as invisible. Today he said hello, but I never heard the good-bye. I wait for that hello and good-bye every day. Knowing I never heard it, I realised that he must be somewhere in the building so I searched for him. ’’ A simple ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ were so important to this security guard that he waited for them every day. We should strive to be like the Jew who greeted him so regularly and NOT like everyone else who treated him as if he didn’t exist.
Rav Wolbe zt”l tells over the following story in Alei Shor . There was a baal teshuva in a yeshiva and his friends asked him who influenced him to be chozer b’teshuva. He answered, “I grew up in a mainly secular neighbourhood, but there was one religious Jew there. The residents of my area did not extend greetings to each other, the only exception being this one religious man. Every morning on my way to school I passed by this man he greeted me with a warm ’shalom’. I began to think to myself, ‘why is it that of all my neighbours only the religious man greets me - there must be something to his Torah!’ This was the start of how I came to complete teshuva.” It is clear from these stories that a friendly greeting can often have wonderful consequences. Moreover, it is a very great Kiddush Hashem when an observant Jew demonstrates that the Torah teaches us to show great warmth to our fellow man.
It should be noted that these inyanim are not merely middos chassidus, rather they are obligations that are incumbent upon every Jew. Rav Dessler zt”l points out that the Mishna in Avos which tells us to greet people in a friendly manner is said in the name of Shammai. It would have seemed more appropriate for Hillel, who is associated with chesed to say this maamer than Shammai who is known for his midos hadin. Rav Dessler explains that this comes to teach us that greeting our fellow in a friendly way is a chiyuv gamoor . Moreover, the Gemara states that anyone who knows that his friend regularly greets him should strive to be the one to initiate the greeting and that if his friend greets him first and he does not return the greeting then he is called a thief . Rav Dessler explains that when one refrains from returning his friend’s greeting, he is stealing his self-worth and this is a terrible sin. When we are doing teshuva for the various forms of stealing he should include the aveiro of ’gezeilas shalom’ and commit to being more friendly in the future.
There is another way of expressing an interest in others - smiling. The Gemara says that one who smiles to his friend is better than one who feeds him . This teaches that showing simcha at seeing someone gives him more joy than providing gashmius . The Gedolim spoke very strongly about the importance of smiling. The Alter of Slobodka said that someone who walks in public with a gloomy face is like a ’bor bereshus harabim’ (a hole in a public area) - when he is in public he has no right to force others to see his gloomy face . Moreover, he saw an inability to smile a negative mida; a senior talmid from a famous yeshiva in Poland stopped by in Slobodka on his way back from Lithuania. The Alter told him several times to smile. The talmid, who had been trained all his life to be serious and tense, could not change his habit, and did not smile. The Alter regarded this as a serious character flaw and refused to allow his grandson to cross the border n the company of that talmid . In a similar vein, the Sefer Yireim writes that just as there is an issur of onaas devarim, causing pain with hurtful words, so too there is a form of ‘onaah’ in showing an unhappy face . One may argue that there is a requirement of yiras shamayim that seems to contradict the requirement to be constantly smiling. The Gedolim also dealt with this issue at length . In short their maskana is that a person should internally feel an element of seriousness about life, but externally they must show happiness. Rav Yitzchak Blazer zt”l brings a story from his Rebbe, Rav Yisroel Salanter zt”l to show just how important it is to avoid letting one’s own coved rosh effect other people. One Erev Yom Kippur, Rav Salanter was walking to shul for Kol Nidrei. Whilst walking he turned to speak to someone he knew, but the person was in the midst of aimas hadin and did not reply. Rav Salanter commented, “why should I suffer because of his aimas hadin?!”
We have seen how there is a clear obligation to show warmth in our interactions with our fellow man and that by doing so we can give him a true sense of self-worth. How can a person strive to improve in this vital area of avodas Hashem? Sifsei Chaim suggests that in the area of smiling, we should utilise the principle that our external actions effect our internal being. Therefore a person should try to smile even if he doesn’t feel in the state of mind to do so. By showing an expression of simcha, he should begin to feel genuine simcha in his heart. In the area of greeting one’s fellow, it is recommended to notice anyone in our neighbourhood who doesn’t seem to know many people and to try to befriend them. This applies especially to new members of the Kehilla who naturally feel unknown and unimportant in their new neighbourhood. But it is even worthwhile to say a friendly word to anyone in the community with whom we have thus far not made any effort to do so.
May we all be zocheh to treat our fellow in the way that he deserves.
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